My wig Journey...

" Your hair is so beautiful. " or " Who does your hair? " Are words I'm not sure I'll ever get used to hearing.  I always want to turn and see if there's someone standing behind me. Because for most of my life, my hair was the last thing I would get complimented on.  

I didn't start wearing wigs until about 7 years ago but the journey to get here started such a long time ago....

At the age of 7 my hair began to fall out. My family, concerned about what could possibly cause hair loss in someone so young took me to the doctor. That is the first time I heard the word Alopecia. My family didn't quite understand what that diagnosis meant so they tried everything they could to help hair growth. Unbeknownst to them, there was no cure. 

To say that going through my elementary years was tough would be an understatement. The longing to be "Normal" and " Beautiful" in a society that makes those words feel like something unattainable and who have completely misconstrued what those words actually mean, was dark and lonely. I remember praying every night that I would wake up the next morning with a full head of hair only to wake up to the same thin hair that hung over bald spots. I would make my way to school hoping maybe this would be the day, somebody wouldn't call me "baldie" or ask " What's wrong with your hair?" 

I learned to put on a strong face in front of others and to stay in defense mode. I was going to make sure that nobody knew how much their words actually cut me to the core. I was fortunate to have a wonderful family and a great group of  friends who never made me feel different .

The summer before my first year in junior high, my aunt cut bangs in to my hair. This was a life changer. Bangs a life changer? Yes, It allowed me to pull the rest of my hair up and hide my spots!  Although this was a wonderful thing for my appearance , it sent me in to a different place of hiding from the world .You see, unless you knew me before the bangs, you wouldn't have known I had alopecia. My hair definitely looked thinner than other girls but my spots were now hidden. So although now I was able to face the world a little easier, I was now holding this little secret. 

Learning to style my hair and hide the spots made my teenage and high school years smoother than my elementary years but inside I still felt so alone because I had this secret I didn't want anyone to know. Anytime someone would get too close or reach under my hair for any reason, I pulled away scared they may find out. 

As I came in to woman hood, I met the most wonderful man. A man who when I finally got the nerve to share my secret after months of dating, said " I don't Love you because of your hair."  Wow. Something I had always dreamed of but never thought was possible, was real. Someone who really loved me for who I was. I continued to style my hair in ways to cover my spots and as with Alopecia tends to do it started to get worse. I started to wear extensions  and color in my spots to match the color of my hair to help create the illusion of hair but that eventually stopped working. I found myself in tears one day getting ready for work because I couldn't hide it anymore.....

This is when I started to really consider Wigs. The thought scared me at first... Because like with most things society had engraved in my mind that they were something shameful or bad. I thought Everyone would know my little secret I'd worked so hard to hide . In my head I pictured costume wigs, itchy things that didn't resemble hair at all. Yet I found myself consulting with a lady who helped me choose my first wig... "Always" By Raquel Welch. 

The feeling of putting on a wig for the first time is almost indescribable. To see yourself with a full head of hair when for so long it's been sparse is surreal. I can't tell you that the first time I went out in public with a wig was this amazing feeling, quite the contrary. I was filled with anxiety. I felt like everyone knew I was wearing a wig and that thought was scary and overwhelming to me at the time. 

With time I grew more comfortable in wigs and educated myself on the different cap constructions and hair fibers. I experimented with different colors and styles. They give me confidence I  NEVER had! The reflection I saw in the mirror, now matched who I felt I was on the inside. 

For so long I had longed for one simple thing. I wanted to put my hair up in a ponytail . I had never been able to do that because if I had it would have revealed that I had no hair underneath. Wigs allowed me to do so. They gave me a new found freedom! They helped build me up, from the outside in. 

I can now boldly and proudly say , I am a wig wearer! I am 35 years old now and finally feel like I have the confidence and strength that EVERY woman deserves to have. I love changing my style to fit my mood. 

I have dedicated my life to reaching girls and women. I want every woman to feel Beautiful and confident. I know with my whole heart that this is what I was created for. I now consider Alopecia one of my greatest gifts, because if it wasn't for my Alopecia journey I wouldn't have this deep passion to reach women. 

To any woman or girl out there who finds herself on a hair loss journey for any reason. Know this :

You are not alone. You are absolutely beautiful. You are enough. You were put on this earth on purpose with a purpose. Do not let what society says dictate your life. Live loud!  Live bold! 

If you find yourself considering a wig, Do not be afraid. The simple act of putting the wig on will help you find yourself in a way you had never known.

" When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, " I used everything that you gave me." 
- Erma Bombeck

Isaiah 6:8

Alopecia Strong - Photo Credit Steven Tippet

Me and Mallory. A young Alopecia warrior.

Photo Credit- Steven Tippet 

Video credit -Steven Tippet 

My current wig-Evanna by Rene Of Paris

I am Maria's daughter. I am Benancia's grandaughter.

It's Mother's Day and I have had words for this day stirring in my heart and soul to share all week and have just now found the time to sit down and pour them out. It's not midnight yet, so I'm calling it a victory!

I always seem to open my blog posts with: " It's been soo long..." followed by promises that I will try and get better about posting more often because I truly desire to do so but I won't do that this time . I will say this, I am a mom of two busy bodies and a woman who loves to blog but I run a home, businesses and a ministry...All of which I think deserve more of my time. So I will just say that everyday I Seek God's guidance for every role I hold and I pray that I only get better with each passing day on my life Journey.  


Now on to the words that are stirring up inside me. Every time I blog I just let my soul pour from my finger tips. I have no rhyme or reason to what or how I'm executing my thoughts and feelings. That's the best way for me and the entire reason I started this blog . It's therapeutic for me. I only hope that you as a reader can feel them and not only read them.


These words kept coming to me a couple of months ago so I jotted them down and didn't give it much thought but last week they returned and I had to sit and meditate on them ....


I am my mother's daughter.

What? Is that what your thinking? I know that's what I was thinking ... Of course I am my mother's daughter . Why do these words keep returning to me over and over ,I asked myself.  I think they are quoted in one of my favorite movies in an essay one of the characters writes about her mother but I asked myself what do those words mean to me?

As I meditated on those words I found myself with a strong sense to share a separate set of words with not only my children but with everyone: Do not be ashamed of where you come from. Today's society is filled with trying to impress each other so much  that we often feel ashamed to let the world know who we really are and where we come from. I for one want my children to know that they come from a line of hardworking women. Women who have planted the seeds that bear the fruit for them to be who they are. They have to know they have roots. Without roots there is no life.


SO now I have these two thoughts: I am my mother's daughter and Do not be ashamed of where you come from. Where do I come from? Who am I?

I am Maria's Daughter. Maria who left her country, her home and her family to seek out more. She wanted more for her family and she wanted more for herself. Maria who sacrificed her self to better the future of not only her family but her future children. Maria who waited tables and cleaned houses to make a living. Maria who worked so hard to send money back to her parents who she loves dearly. Maria who made the sacrifice of allowing me to live with my father and my grandparents because it was better for me. I know that a sacrifice like that is painful for a mother but it shows the true love only a mother knows. Unselfish love. To share the mother role and ultimately give the mother role to my grandmother Benancia.

I am Benancia's granddaughter . A woman who welcomed her granddaughter in to her home with the greatest love I've ever known. Benancia who too cleaned houses for a living to provide for her family. Benancia who I remember saying " We may not have had a lot of money but I made sure my family was always fed, clothed and presentable." Benancia who made sure that I knew Christ . The woman who made sure that I knew I was important. Benancia the woman that taught me how to make a bed properly and wash dishes by hand, the way I still do. The woman who instilled in me so much of who she is, including her stubbornness. Benancia who would say with such pride when introducing me to others " Yo la crie " ( I raised her) .


This is who I am .  They are who I am.  I come from the roots of two of the strongest women I have ever seen in my life. Women that I can only hope to reflect. I am not ashamed of their journey, in fact I am very proud of it. I want my children to know those deep roots. I  want them to know where  they come from and that it's taken a lot sacrifice and love to get here . After all, you can't know where you're going if you don't know where you've been.

I am strong .I am bold. I am loving.
I am Maria's daughter. I am Benancia's granddaughter.

Isaiah 66:13.