My wig Journey...

" Your hair is so beautiful. " or " Who does your hair? " Are words I'm not sure I'll ever get used to hearing.  I always want to turn and see if there's someone standing behind me. Because for most of my life, my hair was the last thing I would get complimented on.  

I didn't start wearing wigs until about 7 years ago but the journey to get here started such a long time ago....

At the age of 7 my hair began to fall out. My family, concerned about what could possibly cause hair loss in someone so young took me to the doctor. That is the first time I heard the word Alopecia. My family didn't quite understand what that diagnosis meant so they tried everything they could to help hair growth. Unbeknownst to them, there was no cure. 

To say that going through my elementary years was tough would be an understatement. The longing to be "Normal" and " Beautiful" in a society that makes those words feel like something unattainable and who have completely misconstrued what those words actually mean, was dark and lonely. I remember praying every night that I would wake up the next morning with a full head of hair only to wake up to the same thin hair that hung over bald spots. I would make my way to school hoping maybe this would be the day, somebody wouldn't call me "baldie" or ask " What's wrong with your hair?" 

I learned to put on a strong face in front of others and to stay in defense mode. I was going to make sure that nobody knew how much their words actually cut me to the core. I was fortunate to have a wonderful family and a great group of  friends who never made me feel different .

The summer before my first year in junior high, my aunt cut bangs in to my hair. This was a life changer. Bangs a life changer? Yes, It allowed me to pull the rest of my hair up and hide my spots!  Although this was a wonderful thing for my appearance , it sent me in to a different place of hiding from the world .You see, unless you knew me before the bangs, you wouldn't have known I had alopecia. My hair definitely looked thinner than other girls but my spots were now hidden. So although now I was able to face the world a little easier, I was now holding this little secret. 

Learning to style my hair and hide the spots made my teenage and high school years smoother than my elementary years but inside I still felt so alone because I had this secret I didn't want anyone to know. Anytime someone would get too close or reach under my hair for any reason, I pulled away scared they may find out. 

As I came in to woman hood, I met the most wonderful man. A man who when I finally got the nerve to share my secret after months of dating, said " I don't Love you because of your hair."  Wow. Something I had always dreamed of but never thought was possible, was real. Someone who really loved me for who I was. I continued to style my hair in ways to cover my spots and as with Alopecia tends to do it started to get worse. I started to wear extensions  and color in my spots to match the color of my hair to help create the illusion of hair but that eventually stopped working. I found myself in tears one day getting ready for work because I couldn't hide it anymore.....

This is when I started to really consider Wigs. The thought scared me at first... Because like with most things society had engraved in my mind that they were something shameful or bad. I thought Everyone would know my little secret I'd worked so hard to hide . In my head I pictured costume wigs, itchy things that didn't resemble hair at all. Yet I found myself consulting with a lady who helped me choose my first wig... "Always" By Raquel Welch. 

The feeling of putting on a wig for the first time is almost indescribable. To see yourself with a full head of hair when for so long it's been sparse is surreal. I can't tell you that the first time I went out in public with a wig was this amazing feeling, quite the contrary. I was filled with anxiety. I felt like everyone knew I was wearing a wig and that thought was scary and overwhelming to me at the time. 

With time I grew more comfortable in wigs and educated myself on the different cap constructions and hair fibers. I experimented with different colors and styles. They give me confidence I  NEVER had! The reflection I saw in the mirror, now matched who I felt I was on the inside. 

For so long I had longed for one simple thing. I wanted to put my hair up in a ponytail . I had never been able to do that because if I had it would have revealed that I had no hair underneath. Wigs allowed me to do so. They gave me a new found freedom! They helped build me up, from the outside in. 

I can now boldly and proudly say , I am a wig wearer! I am 35 years old now and finally feel like I have the confidence and strength that EVERY woman deserves to have. I love changing my style to fit my mood. 

I have dedicated my life to reaching girls and women. I want every woman to feel Beautiful and confident. I know with my whole heart that this is what I was created for. I now consider Alopecia one of my greatest gifts, because if it wasn't for my Alopecia journey I wouldn't have this deep passion to reach women. 

To any woman or girl out there who finds herself on a hair loss journey for any reason. Know this :

You are not alone. You are absolutely beautiful. You are enough. You were put on this earth on purpose with a purpose. Do not let what society says dictate your life. Live loud!  Live bold! 

If you find yourself considering a wig, Do not be afraid. The simple act of putting the wig on will help you find yourself in a way you had never known.

" When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, " I used everything that you gave me." 
- Erma Bombeck

Isaiah 6:8

Alopecia Strong - Photo Credit Steven Tippet

Me and Mallory. A young Alopecia warrior.

Photo Credit- Steven Tippet 

Video credit -Steven Tippet 

My current wig-Evanna by Rene Of Paris

I am Maria's daughter. I am Benancia's grandaughter.

It's Mother's Day and I have had words for this day stirring in my heart and soul to share all week and have just now found the time to sit down and pour them out. It's not midnight yet, so I'm calling it a victory!

I always seem to open my blog posts with: " It's been soo long..." followed by promises that I will try and get better about posting more often because I truly desire to do so but I won't do that this time . I will say this, I am a mom of two busy bodies and a woman who loves to blog but I run a home, businesses and a ministry...All of which I think deserve more of my time. So I will just say that everyday I Seek God's guidance for every role I hold and I pray that I only get better with each passing day on my life Journey.  


Now on to the words that are stirring up inside me. Every time I blog I just let my soul pour from my finger tips. I have no rhyme or reason to what or how I'm executing my thoughts and feelings. That's the best way for me and the entire reason I started this blog . It's therapeutic for me. I only hope that you as a reader can feel them and not only read them.


These words kept coming to me a couple of months ago so I jotted them down and didn't give it much thought but last week they returned and I had to sit and meditate on them ....


I am my mother's daughter.

What? Is that what your thinking? I know that's what I was thinking ... Of course I am my mother's daughter . Why do these words keep returning to me over and over ,I asked myself.  I think they are quoted in one of my favorite movies in an essay one of the characters writes about her mother but I asked myself what do those words mean to me?

As I meditated on those words I found myself with a strong sense to share a separate set of words with not only my children but with everyone: Do not be ashamed of where you come from. Today's society is filled with trying to impress each other so much  that we often feel ashamed to let the world know who we really are and where we come from. I for one want my children to know that they come from a line of hardworking women. Women who have planted the seeds that bear the fruit for them to be who they are. They have to know they have roots. Without roots there is no life.


SO now I have these two thoughts: I am my mother's daughter and Do not be ashamed of where you come from. Where do I come from? Who am I?

I am Maria's Daughter. Maria who left her country, her home and her family to seek out more. She wanted more for her family and she wanted more for herself. Maria who sacrificed her self to better the future of not only her family but her future children. Maria who waited tables and cleaned houses to make a living. Maria who worked so hard to send money back to her parents who she loves dearly. Maria who made the sacrifice of allowing me to live with my father and my grandparents because it was better for me. I know that a sacrifice like that is painful for a mother but it shows the true love only a mother knows. Unselfish love. To share the mother role and ultimately give the mother role to my grandmother Benancia.

I am Benancia's granddaughter . A woman who welcomed her granddaughter in to her home with the greatest love I've ever known. Benancia who too cleaned houses for a living to provide for her family. Benancia who I remember saying " We may not have had a lot of money but I made sure my family was always fed, clothed and presentable." Benancia who made sure that I knew Christ . The woman who made sure that I knew I was important. Benancia the woman that taught me how to make a bed properly and wash dishes by hand, the way I still do. The woman who instilled in me so much of who she is, including her stubbornness. Benancia who would say with such pride when introducing me to others " Yo la crie " ( I raised her) .


This is who I am .  They are who I am.  I come from the roots of two of the strongest women I have ever seen in my life. Women that I can only hope to reflect. I am not ashamed of their journey, in fact I am very proud of it. I want my children to know those deep roots. I  want them to know where  they come from and that it's taken a lot sacrifice and love to get here . After all, you can't know where you're going if you don't know where you've been.

I am strong .I am bold. I am loving.
I am Maria's daughter. I am Benancia's granddaughter.

Isaiah 66:13.

From Barbies to I Pods...

Hello world!! 

Wow, It's been almost two years since I have sat down to write a blog!! How I have missed it. Writing has always been a form of release for me and I need to do it more often. I am committing to really try! 

I should catch you up on my life but like in previous blog posts there is nothing more to say than I am a busy mother of two, one of which I'm homeschooling (more of that soon) , I also hold other titles such as wife,business owner and ministry director. Phew! I have just been so lost in my life, in a good way. I always have the constant itch to write and find myself jotting down ideas all the time of what I would like to blog about and share with the world but executing that is where I have the difficulty... 

The past few weeks I haven't been able to get this next particular subject out of my heart or my mind. It's probably God's way of getting me here again and maybe to share some words or insight for someone out there... 

As I mentioned , I am homeschooling one of my children. My daughter that is. It is something that my husband and I started praying about when she was in the 4th grade and when we knew that junior high and teen years would soon be upon us. For a woman like me, who likes to be in control of everything in her life, the thought of sending my daughter to junior high terrified me! 

We went back and forth on the idea and looked to God for direction. When it was all said and done we felt complete assurance that He was leading us to home school. For me as a mother, I felt the need to be ever so present in her life these crucial years of preteen and teen... 

So we started that a few weeks ago and are so happy we decided to do so!! We find our selves as parents of a soon to be teenager and in a completely new journey for us. I choose to see it as so... I don't think it's always the funnest or easiest journey but a journey for sure! A journey I welcome even with all the difficulty that it comes with! 

What has been on my heart to share is what it's like to be a mother in this stage of life. I hope if you find yourself in this same stage that my words might be some sort of something for you... 

First of all, How did I get here so incredibly fast? I mean wasn't my princess just a small girl in her dresses and plastic high heels? When did her tiny voice all of sudden start sounding so grown up and sassy ? When did listening to music on her iPod and watching you-tube videos replace dressing up and playing barbies? Alas, here I am... 

In my journey as a mother so far I have found this particular part the most trying. I mean nobody can really tell you what it's like to be the mother of a preteen in 2016 because nobody has done it yet. I mean, don't get me wrong, I welcome with open arms advice from any mother that has gone through this phase and survived but the truth is times are ever so changing. The generational gap seems to grow wider from even one year to the next and the era of social media is so prevalent now... 

So I find myself in a different place needing to make different decisions than ever before. Leaning on God like I never have and in ways I've never experienced. 

I must say that I was blessed with one amazing daughter. She is kind and wise beyond her years and doesn't even know it yet. Her self discipline leaves me in awe and I envy that characteristic just a bit. She teaches me many lessons and she doesn't even realize it, not just about whats trending, although she definitely schools me there. 

With all the amazingness that she is , she is still just a 12 year old girl. That age where you are caught between being a girl and a teenager. The age where fitting in is of utmost importance. This being one of the reasons for homeschooling. Not because I am overprotective, she knows the ways of the world and we make sure she isn't a sheltered hermit, but because I feel like this is the age where things can go wrong. Even the most wonderful kids can be led wrong, RIGHT HERE. Their main goal at this age is to fit in! With that comes following. Following trends. Following other kids that may be leading them the wrong way. Following a path that we don't want to see them on. 

So here I stand hoping that I guide her to follow only one Shepard. Encouraging her to find herself and spread her wings but to listen to that moral compass we instilled. Teaching her to open her heart to a God that Loves her. Letting her know that I am here, no matter what and guiding her to express her heart even when she doesn't quite know how.  

I have forewarned her of the ugliness that can come out of young girls at this age and assured her that anytime someone intentionally causes her hurt with their words, it is them who need prayer most. Letting her know that hurt people, hurt people. I let her know that even when she doesn't want to, forgive. Let go, Let God.  

What I am learning most is that this is the age where it can be REALLY hard to be mom and not friend. I mean all we want is to make our kids happy, right moms? There is nothing like knowing your child is happy in life but this age is where questions get asked where the mom in you says  "Not a good Idea" and the friend in you wants to say "Yeah, go ahead!" This isn't like the little girl decisions of can I have an extra piece of candy, oh how I wish it was. This is can I have this type of social media? Can I watch this movie or when can I wear make up?  oy vey ... Here is where God reminds me that he entrusted this child to me to be her mother. He didn't gift her to me as a friend, he gifted her as daughter. Although I hope she knows in her mother there is a friend, I am mom first. 

If you find yourself in this same stage of life, Welcome! Remember that these years are short . Enjoy the walk even through the fires. Teach your daughters to be kind ,strong and independent. Let them know that you are there. Ask questions! Like I tell my daughter, " I am going to be all up in your business, like it or not. Here I am!"

Lean on one another as support, I know that I need it. Trust that God knew what he was doing when he chose that particular girl for you to mold. Before you know it, she will be a woman and we will be longing to be back here, walking along this road. 

Proverbs 22:6         

Ants

Hello World!!!

  I haven't blogged in months and I am feeling like my heart will burst with all that it wants to share! I have just been so busy being mommy,wife and running a business that I find little time for me. I hope to remedy that situation by taking time for myself more. Pray for that...

 I recently came back from the Women Of Faith conference and I can not explain how renewed and refreshed my soul is from the experience. I have so many things I feel I could write about I didn't even know where to begin but then it came to me! It came to me from the question asked by my four year old curly headed boy.....

First I have to let you know that my kids are allergic to ants and mosquitoes. Weird I know... Not allergic as in rush them to the hospital or bust out the Epi-pen allergic but allergic as in Swollen,painful,itchy and really annoying! Now that you know that we shall move on...

My son recently got stung by an ant and like always the bites were causing him to be severely uncomfortable. So much so that he says to me "Mommy, Did God make ants?" Oh man, I knew where this was going already so my wheels are turning fast to try to explain this one.... Remember the Ecosystem Letty!! I replied very hesitantly "Yes..." Here it comes..I'm not ready...." But why?"

Why God? Why did you make these things that are such a nuisance to my son?? This is where I wish I could text Him or something... I simply tried to explain that ecosystem and how they help the soil and such... But come on he is four!! That doesn't go over very well yet. However he left it alone. Probably because mommy made no sense to him.

It got me thinking about people though . You know those people in your life that you would consider a pesky ant... Why God? Why did you make those people that sting us?

He spoke to me. Yes He really does that! I was reminded that we are all created in His image .

So God Created mankind in his own image,in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. ( Genesis 1:27)

He did not create us to hurt people but we do! We all have at some point in our life. Why? I would say that most of the time it's because we ourselves are hurting and we feel the need to make someone else feel the same. I mean after all misery loves company.

We are all products of our experiences. Each and every experience you had from the time you were a small child molded you in to the person you are today. Every hurt that has ever been done to you like the sting of an ant.

The truth about why an ant stings is simple...They feel threatened and it's only thought is survival!

The Army Ants of South America are reputed for taking down "anything" in their path. They will kill and eat absolutely any vegetable or animal that they can overcome. Nothing scares them away from their purpose, and that is to survive.

Source(s):

Professional Wildlife Cinematographer, Photographer, & Naturalist 36 years.

This is true of us... We hurt out of the sheer intent to survive! If anyone threatens that, we attack! What can be done to stop the madness of hurting each other? simple....

Let go,Let God!

Let Go of all the hurt and all the pain and Let God renew your life again!

When someone hurts you remember it is a reflection of their pain! They are too a child of God just like you. Hard to accept that the pesky ant of a person that hurt you is just like you but it's Truth! The second most important part of living in peace is to FORGIVE!!

Oh and that part is hard to even say for most of us (me included)... But the price paid for our sins and the forgiveness we have received was paid oh so many years ago on that cross.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you,your heavenly Father will also forgive you.But if you do not forgive men their sins,your Father will not forgive your sins. ( Matthew 6:14-15)

 The truth is when someone stings you it doesn't have to sting forever. It doesn't have to cause you the pain over and over unless you let it. Remember that the battle for our souls is happening everyday!

 For our battle is not against flesh and blood,but against the rulers,against the authorities, against the world powers of darkness,against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. (Ephesians 6:12)

You are the one who can control who wins that battle!  You can control what hurts you let stay and let go! I say when that ant comes to sting you again remember that it's reason for hurting you probably goes far beyond you...

Roots and Wings

Hello world!! I haven't blogged in about 3 months and I have missed it so. Writing feeds my soul! I have had every intention of getting my words out but being a mommy,wife and business owner I haven't had the time. I run an airbrush tanning business and this is busy time for me! In the two months I haven't written I've had lots of thoughts swimming in this head of mine. Something that has really been on my heart to share is to talk about Who I am...

Do you ever stop and think about who you are and where you are in life? What and who got you to the  particular place you are at ? I have lately and can honestly say that i have never felt more like ME than I do right now! 31 years old and I can say I finally know who I am. That is not to say I am done discovering or growing but it means I have never felt more comfortable in my skin than now. How did I get here? Where did I come from? That story started a long time ago...Want to hear a story? ;-)

It starts with a young girl on a ranch in a tiny Mexican town. This young girl had dreams and hopes for herself but her family needed her help. They needed her to help them put food on the table. She loved her family so much that she would do anything to ensure the well being of her family, so her dad placed her on the back of a donkey and sent her to live with relatives in a foreign country.The good Ol'  USA. She got a job as a waitress and sent money to her family back in Mexico all the while she was having to deal with abuse at the hands of the family she was living with. Imagine being young, scared and in a foreign place... But she loved her family so that she endured the pain for their happiness. Now... the next part of the story is my assumption but I believe that this young girl was searching for someone to love her. Someone who truly loved her and who could be an escape to an awful situation and she found it in a long haired hippie cook! This man was and is the most loving person you can imagine! He fell head over heels for this young girl and the girl was loved! The two were inseparable and not long after were married. She had found someone who loved her and escaped the awful place she was in. Not long after marriage they found out they were expecting a little girl. When she was born I believe she was Daddy's girl immediately and think he was mush at the sight of his new baby and the woman he was so deeply in love with.

 A couple years later things started to crumble in the marriage and I can honestly say I don't have a clear answer as to why but infer it was maybe that the young lady wasn't sure how to accept happiness..maybe she felt undeserving of all the good in her life... whatever the reason the couple ended the marriage. The 2 year old little girl was stuck in the middle. In that day the mother usually received custody of the child without question. The mother took her small daughter and left a heartbroken father who so desperately wanted his daughter with him...

The young woman soon entered a relationship with another man.. One of whom was abusive. The little girl witnessed this abuse and lived in fear...but the mother of the girl made a decision that would change her life as well as her daughter's forever. I believe it was an act of courage in a sense. She gave the little girl to her daddy.

Daddy was overjoyed as was the little girl! Though now Daddy was playing both role of mother and father.. He had to have help!! That came in the form of his family!! Particularly his mother and sisters! They took on motherly roles for this little girl.

Growing up the little girl went through difficult times. She often longed for her mother and although she did see her mother it was only on occasion. It was not your ideal relationship of mother and daughter.. This young girl was also diagnosed with a condition when she was about 7. A condition though not life threatening definitely one that beat on her soul. It was Alopecia areata..This condition causes hair loss. As you know being a girl and having beautiful hair go hand in hand. She had to face the cruelty of others but always felt loved by Her dad, grandmother and  four beautiful aunts! She found comfort in the love of her family!

These amazing beings loved and nurtured the girl all her life and instilled her good morals and taught her about Christ. Each one different and having something different to offer the young girl but with one common goal and that was to show her that she was loved!!

The girl grew up and made her way in life..She herself became a mommy.When she looks back at where it all started she can smile! Though there was lots of pain here she stands! That little girl is me!

I look back at my life, the things I have been through and mistakes I made and know in my heart God had His hand on me every step of the way. Although I did not always feel it or know it..I know it now! How great is our God??!!! He had far better plans for me than I ever knew...

Each wonderful person that had a hand in raising me was specifically placed in my life. I know My mom, dad, grandma and aunts were hand chosen by My almighty father for me. I couldn't have asked for better.. Each one instilling different characteristics of who I am  A loving,giving woman with an old soul and music in her veins... That with everything else that makes me up came from each person who raised me, including the strong will and stubbornness ;-)  I love ALL of them so very much and am forever grateful to each one!

I learned everything from all these beautiful people but the most important to me are forgiveness and love! I know who I am because I know my roots! I know who I am because I know a God that loves me amidst my mistakes.

Thank you if you had a had in who I am ! Thank you for giving me roots and allowing me wings to fly and find ME in you!!


" Be strong and Courageous. Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you "(Deuteronomy 31:6).

Stay Strong.

Every morning when my daughter gets out of the car I say "I love you, Stay strong and have a good day." It is something I have said since first grade. It is just so routine. The other day I started thinking about my words to her..What do I mean when I say: stay strong? What is it that I hope for my daughter when she isn't in my presence? Though it's just a simple phrase "Stay strong." I am saying it with a lot of meaning and hope.

I hope that she stays strong in Christ. I hope that she stands strong in and on her Faith. I hope that when others may not be kind she stay strong and know good always overcomes evil. I hope that she knows her strength and the power behind it. I hope that she grow in her strength, so that when she enters her teenage and later her adult years she knows herself so well that she can remain strong in the fact that Christ is ALWAYS with her. I hope that her strength be an example for others and that she illuminate Christ in her 10 year old spirit. All the hopes for my daughter are also my prayers for her daily. I know she is a gift from God that must be treasured. I know he entrusted her care to me to nurture,love and teach. I do not take that lightly or for granted.


Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6


Though she is only 10 I see so much in that heart that assures me When I say " Stay strong" and when I lift her in prayer, I am heard! ...

“Though she be but little, she is fierce!”~ William Shakespeare

At the beginning of the year she told me that she wanted to give up her allowance to sponsor a child in need and I was wowed then. Then the other day she did something that both made me smile and cry all in one. She had got with my husband and dad and told them that she wanted to send Me, her mom to an alopecia areata(a condition I have)conference . She told them "I have $11 what can we do?" She had seen me receive the mail regarding the conference and asked if I wanted to go. I said "It might be nice someday but it's kind of expensive." I told her just to throw it away. She didn't! Instead they came up with the plan to sell plates of food to raise the money. I was told it was to help my dad with medical expenses. When I got home my husband pulled me aside and said " I just want you to know, we have such a special little girl." I sensed the emotion  in his voice and eyes and asked " I know we do but what makes you say that?" That's when my daughter came out and handed me the pamphlet for the conference along with the money that was raised. I was overwhelmed with emotion to say the least. What a heart my daughter has!

Last year she made the decision to give her heart to Christ and professed it so by baptism. That day our Pastor said " That girl is special! I felt something when she got in the water that I haven't before." I see now what it is. I see Christ in her! I can't wait to see what He has planned for her future and until then I will continue to Say "Stay Strong!"

I leave you with a quote by her....

" Stop hating the world and start loving what God created for you."~ Mia Pressler

Out of the mouths of babes.. Psalm 8:2

I see you

Autism.

What do you think of when you hear,see or read that word? Perhaps you know or love someone that comes to mind, perhaps it's just a word that describes someone you've seen or met or perhaps it's just a disorder you have heard of. For me it serves as a reminder of someone I love dearly. My sister in law Kati is not Autism although she is diagnosed as such. She may "have" it but it certainly does not have her. Since it's Autism awareness month I decided to dedicate this post to her and write her a letter....

Kati,

I want you to know I see you. I see your smile behind the frustration. I hear your laugh behind the tears and screams. I see your kindness behind your gestures. I see your love and sweet soul behind those eyes. You were created with purpose. You were created in His image. You were sent to your family to teach lessons far greater than anyone else could. You help us see the world in such a beautiful way. All you know is love and never met a stranger. What a perfect example of Christ's love than you.. You show us how to be selfless and how to love. I treasure your phone calls and messages. Remember no matter what others may say you are not defined by a diagnosis. You are defined by your creator. You are fearfully and wonderfully made! You are a child of God,a daughter,a sister,an aunt,a cousin,a friend. You are beautiful! Your family is so blessed with your presence and the fact that God chose us as your family! We see you! We hear you and above all We love you!

Psalm 139:14